why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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