Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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