And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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