Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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