One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
