the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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