i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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