oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
