Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
