I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
