By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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