I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
