She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
