On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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