I must be too annoying 4 u.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
