She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
be right there i have to get my cape
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
