i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
