Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
