What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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