i permit you to call me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
