Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
