He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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