so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
