i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
