I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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