i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
