just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
