NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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