i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
4 words: hood of his car
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
