ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
