people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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