idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
