before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
