He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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