He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
