Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
