I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
