We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
