I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
