Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
