I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
