I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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