I think I won the penis lottery.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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