Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
