in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Less talking, more tequila
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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