doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
