Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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