Sry I called you an 8
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
