I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
