I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
