And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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