we have officially mastered the walk of shame
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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